I think i peed on brittanys purse
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
