dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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