I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
