Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
