Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
