Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
