he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
