I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
