I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
