Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize