Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
