So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
