Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
