so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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