I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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