hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
