my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
