I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
