Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
