is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
