i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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