Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
why do cheetos always look like penises
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
