so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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