You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
