I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
