I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
