Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think my mom watched the whole time
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
