I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
