im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
