What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He felt like a one man threesome
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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