Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Someone signed my nipple.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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