She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
