I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
