she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
