"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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