Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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