this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
