So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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