Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
