i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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