i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
