Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
