What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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