Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
