we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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