When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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