You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
