She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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