also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
