I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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