how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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