hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
